Sleepy day

MAn..been really sleepy and sloppy lately. Somehow my body is just aching all over.. and had no idea why! my eyes are like halway open when i talked to people and had no mood at all. haiz

I went to the market with my dad and bro this morning for the purpose of getting mushrooms. But we ended up buying lots of eating stuffs like my cwee kuih i got it for only 60 cents and 2 dollars for my dad's yong tofu. cheapy cheapy foods!

This day seems to be a longer day than what i thought. Earlier when i woke up fr my sleep, i realized it was only 1 cos it seems like 3 to me..bloodyhell so i just went dwnstairs looking for my snacks time so i just made my usual evening cup of tea to dip along with corny biscuits and some snacks that we managed to buy in sheng shiong last night. zzz..it took only 30 mnts for the whole procedures that when i looked bck at the clock, GEez it was only 1.30...so i just went bck tp my sleep again.

Next right after i woke up, i went dwnstairs bck to eat my snacks again..waited for my dad to come bck fr the office but i guessed he must've got bck at around 4 smtgh. My bro asked me if i want to go the airport with him to spy on meme..but i decided Nah..its not a very nice thing to do. i guessed he's just bored he decided to go to slp on my bed nxt room. My dad just called to tell me to get ready at 5 for our dinner outside and i told him okay. Im thinking about my visa in jkt..Hope it would be a really fast procedures..hope the people there in the embassy wont give me too much trouble..

I had the sudden urge to not go to Sf somehow..cos i will leave my dad alone with my mom. I just dnt want him to go everywhere alone cos somehow he is always confused.for the past few days ive been accompanying him everywhere to buy his seeds for planting in chinatwn..we walked quite a distance in a sunny hot day..but thats okay i loved being his companion. I loved it when he's happy like when he talked with the seed's seller, im surprised they talked like they're an old friend..it took me for more than an hour to listen them talking and laughing..
Somehow i just knw my dad is just so restless, thinking too much problems, worse thing is he smokes over the limit..and still dares to tell me his chest pains sometimes and few nights bck he got real bad headache all of a sudden..haiz..What to do? I just love him too much im so worried for his health..he is pretty much bored all the time that he looks for foods everytime..DAD oh DAD pls take care of urself!

I got this funny feeling earlier when i woke up, i suddenly thought..what's the purpose of being a human being? that shitty feeling i got suddenly made me realized we all got to cherish each other..i dreamt of thre's no longer my dad and mom..thre's only 5 of us...and all of us have children already..we're old at around 40's and 50's already and in that dream, i got the feeling of worriedness for my children..scared of them not knwing how to handle things in life..and all of a sudden, im dead. ANyway..that dream was one scary dream in my afternoon nap. I got so emotional after woking up..i realized why dad and mom kept nagging at us..

I looked bck at our old photos in computer..shoot i just realized how much we all changed..everybody is just growing up..while dad and mom they've grown old..everytime i looked bck at our old photos, it made me realized how i wish i could turn bck times.

How i wish Bro graduated already so that he could help dad on his business..I felt sorry for my dad at his age he still has to work hard to find money for us..get married so that my mom would be happy. haiz..it's just too draggy..hope sis and bro would find their loved ones soon! Im just not sure about me..cos somehow..i cant get over him..not fully. I guessed it's all karma. I used to play on ppl's feelings back when i was in high sch...look what happened to me now..i felt useless! Tell me how to get over ur loved ones!!! I tried not to look bck.haizz...

Anyway i hate bein so emotional to myself. I have to stop now..and OH man..its only 3.30...
What shld i do next? its going to start raining outside...rain rain rain oh rainn...